This is my day

In photos and stupid captions

Last night we went to a hotel room; it had a lamp

My sister and I ate some girl scout cookies and my sister made awkward faces at me

I slept in the most comfortable hotel bed in existence

I like to wear pencil skirts and sit on beds

I tried to hide the ugly chair with my stuff; it was unsuccessful

We kept our girl scout cookies next to our beds because we are smart ladies

There was a large Phillies fan in the room next door

Our bathroom had an adorable blow-dryer that I wanted to steal (but didn't)

We got breakfast at a restaurant specializing in bagels

My sister had coffee

Sandy had tea

Sandy threatened the Phillies fan

My burrito was less tasty than it was photogenic

Phillies fan enjoyed his burrito, as evidenced here

We had lots of nonsense on our table in the aftermath of our breakfast

My sister was skeptical of my leftover potatoes

Restaurant mints are wonderful

Then we went to an antique store and my sister put on a hat

It was kind of an odd antique shop

We went to a garage sale. It wasn't very good

So we went to another antique shop

I am excellent at holding still in low light situations

There was a mannequin wearing a mu mu

Then we drove for a while

And we ended up on a beach

where there was a dead crab striking a dramatic pose

and some stairs

Then we went to an underexposed fruit stand

I used a porta-potty

Then we drove some more, this time with fruit

And then I got home and hung around in the kitchen for a few hours and ate a lot

That is all.

Stoners have the best ideas

On Monday night, California narcotics investigators found a $1.5 million pot growing operation in Hemet. Now, being this is California, that's not too terribly unexpected. However, the 55-pound, 4-foot-long alligator they found guarding the stash was a bit of a surprise. The reptile, which has been turned over to an exotic animal sanctuary, is named Wally and was described (very accurately) as a "watchgator."

Wally the watchgator

As someone who has had an awful lot of contact with people who sell, grow, and smoke large quantities of marijuana, I have plenty of proof that the widely held sentiment that pot makes you stupid is often true. However, the consumption of cannabis doesn't always hinder one's ability to think intelligently, and I feel that this "watchgator" business is a terrific example of such an occasion. Honestly, the whole watchdog thing is awfully expected by now, and you've just got to have some sort of ferocious beastie guarding your growhouse. But who would've thought to smuggle an alligator all the way to California expressly for this purpose? Stoners, that's who. Because stoners are brilliant, just in an unbelievably stupid sort of way. And I must say, sometimes that's the best kind of brilliance.

I am the worst vegetarian

Up until about three months ago, I hadn't eaten meat or fish in close to 5 years. I was an excellent vegetarian. However, sometime in January, I was enticed to get a delicious sushi dinner with the ever-beguiling Joseph Engel (now, by "enticed" I actually mean "asked politely") and I've been continually falling off the vegetarian wagon ever since.

On the morning my grandmother died, my mom and I ate a giant breakfast at Katz N' Jammers consisting of a giant stack of strawberry and whipped cream-covered pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon; tasty, tasty bacon. The first dead mammal I'd had in years, all crispy and delicious. I didn't even feel a little bit guilty about it.

The next month, when I went to Venice Beach, I found the lure of the calamari at the little seafood restaurant to be too much, and I fell again to the dead animal cravings. Yum.

Aren't I just absurd looking?

Now I just finished having breakfast with my mom and my pretend aunt and, once again, I'm afraid I've come tumbling off of the vegetarian wagon. I think that I ought to be feeling badly about the whole thing, but I'm not. After all, it isn't as though my abstaining from meat consumption is going to make a difference in anything at all, ever.

So, someone tell me, why should I keep up the whole vegetarian shtick when I'm clearly no good at it?